(Source: saruhikko)

(Source: manolizer)

pearls:

pearls:

i touched a dick once and it was the scariest thing in my life because it had a really cold head and i don’t know it wasn’t fun

sometimes the ‘i’ and ‘u’ shouldn’t be so close on the keyboard 

(Source: louistomlinslon)

starksexual:

i was at the bus stop with my sister the other day and for no apparent reason, she says: ‘dude, there are more dead people in the world than living people’ and the woman standing beside me whispered ‘holy shit’ and i fucking lost it

snorlaxatives:

99% sure my neighbors have seen me naked through my window at least 20 times

a-scandal-in-gallifrey:

thethroneofasgard:

One time I was with my family, I dropped my plate of food and I said ‘Goddamnit’ then my mom was like “you can’t say that” so I said “Fine. Satan bless it.” Everyone turned to look at me after I said. I forgot I was in church.

what were you doing with a plate of food in church

roachpatrol:

snowytown:

douche.png

remember when homestuck

slowly shlunks back to commissions………………………………………………….

HHHHHHHHWOW

castiel-is-wonderful:

sionainnlindsay:

castiel-is-wonderful:

WAIT HOLD THE FUCK UP

IS ‘MRS’ JUST MR’S 

LIKE BELONGING TO MR

OMG

Mr comes from the French monsieur, which I think literally translates as ‘my lord’ and basically just means master, and Mrs comes from maistre which is the feminine form of master, so actually—for once—no.

This was an extremely relevant comment and I thank you for educating me 

my-name-is-hilarious:

theyahoostaff:

yourfriendthecrow:

I don’t know bout y’all, but the Yahoo staff are fucking HILARIOUS

We are not fucking HILARIOUS

HILARIOUS COME HERE AND TELL THEM THAT WE ARE NOT FUCKING

theyahoostaff and i are just friends gOD

basedgodniall:

I LITERALLY DO 8 SECONDS OF WORK THEN REWARD MYSELF WITH 40 MINUTES OF TUMBLR LIKE CAN I STOP DOING THAT

(Source: nointerrruption)